this
this a childhood
i never felt was special
normal anything
sneeze
god bless you
here’s a tissue for the issue
that your heart stopped
blow that slick slack
get back to hippin what’s hop
older than “havin stabs”
or gettin “mollywhopped”
dad stood outside the op
when i popped out at Swedish
two months after Chernobyl
an 80’s bun for the squeamish
hot and slimey out the oven
their second one
mixed kids on the shoulders
of legal lust and fun
woke up from a dream
of running through Roman ruins
from a flood with family
got like “what we doin?”
i was born into a
world forced into war
by a need to feel better
about not having more
by a need to control everything
except ourselves
by fear and lenience
to the hate we felt
A Tac-town
full of blues and pirus
comin home in red
hopin they don’t find you
my next door neighbor
his family dipped from Korea
where conflict made sneaky sounds
like onomatopoeia
echoing backdrops
of secrecy unfurled
the organized chaos
behind all hoods around the world
this
this a mildhood
DSHS was daddy
the surrogate piper
the condescending confetti
party favors for keeping
the real dad out
he drunk and depressed
cuz the best he did
he ran out
started a business
debt killed it
applied for loans from the bank
bankers ain’t will it
got a commercial A
logistic jobs not hiring
thinkin back on pushin weight
hot wiring
so
not inspiring
when my dad showed up
and everybody mad
cuz they dad locked and holed up
and my mom listened
talked with me in the kitchen
homies always spinninanightÂ
to get what they was missin
on a mission to
become something new
something different
something old
something the soul always knew
like every act of self love is defiance
like every self-esteeming thought is subtle violence
against the grain of everyday conditioning
generational dissidence
becomes the mark of growth and reliance
truth
and still lying
this
this a wildhood
when outside was hot
the Valley in the 90’s
we stayed inside a lot
the sniff was on it
bubonic
when gin no tonic
made my mama mean
Supersonics
with Glove and Reign Man on the scene
from Hilltop to Soufend
runnin from jealousy
his babymama gunnin for my mama
we left the city
down the hill from Wing Luke
by Old Holly
back end of a crack pandemic
precursor to molly
vatos from LA turnin
apartments to a slaphouse
nukkas from the Chi
puttin’em down in the back house
they burned a rack out
puttin steel fences to sticker bushes
we picked n dipped blackberries in sugar water
safe from the pushers
too cheap buy Gushers
we loved the ghetto candyman
retiree in a cadillac
ancient handyman
parenthood planned again
babies havin babies
puttin grammas to the test
daddy’s maybe
no shots for rabies
brown dollars and cheese
free lunch truck
sugar and gout for your knees
a better life
through licks hit and ballin
through acing curriculum
when education a problem
poets for philosophers
philosophers for poets
mistaken identities
and academia knows it
dumb on a smartphone
censored info for grabs
of German police dogs
turning my neighbors to meat slabs
it wasn’t O-Town
wasn’t the Windy City
wasn’t the Bronx
or cold as a witches (eh-hem)
it wasn’t hot like
a Clarksdale summer
like a STL winter
like Memphis with the gunner
it was enough
to make the naive see
surviving childhood
was luck
game
and destiny
ExpressionsByLewis 
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